


Ice Cream

by Quasinym



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Dairy Queen Massacre, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-24
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-01-09 21:12:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1150840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quasinym/pseuds/Quasinym
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a story about ice cream, sex, and friendship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

One day Amy and Rory were having sex in the TARDIS.

The Doctor yelled, "Amy! Rory! It's time for ice cream!"

Amy said, "No, we're having sex."

"But what could be more important than ice cream?" said the Doctor.

"Sex."

"Will you be done in thirty minutes?"

Amy said, "I don't know."

"I'm gonna step outside the TARDIS, and you time travel later so that it'll only be five seconds for me."

"Whatever."

Amy and Rory continued to have intercourse for a day and a half. Five seconds later (for the Doctor) they showed up wherever that place was the Doctor was.

"Great! Now let's go to Orange Leaf!" said the Doctor.

"But you said we were having ice cream," said Amy, "That is not ice cream. That is frozen yog-"

"Amy, we should appreciate that the Doctor is taking us anywhere," Rory interrupted.

"Shut up!" Amy screamed, "I want Dairy Queen!"

Then the Doctor said, "But I only have a gift card for Orange Leaf."

"Fuck you, then, you cheapskate!"

"Calm down," said Rory.

"DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO SHUT UP?"

Then Amy ran deep into the TARDIS screaming, "You aren't my friend anymore!" Rory was embarrassed, so he chased her down.

The Doctor didn't like Amy anymore either. He was fed up with her getting angry whenever he tried to do something nice. He went to Dairy Queen by himself.

Then he realized that he had forgotten to go to the place where he had a gift card. That's when he cried. His crying opened up his emotions, and he realized he didn't hate Amy,  
but he was still angry, so he punched the cashier, assaulted him with Dilly Bar nunchucks, and smothered him with an ice cream cake.

The Doctor was even more angry now, so he demanded to see the manager about his problems. When the manager came, the Doctor said, "What the fuck is wrong with this place? I can't have decent emotions, and you don't do anything about that? I am never eating here again!"  
Then he threw a Blizzard at the manager's head. The Doctor was promptly arrested.

He realized that he _did_ hate Amy. He wouldn't have been in this mess if it wasn't for her.

He sonic screwed his way out of the handcuffs, and ran to the TARDIS. He kicked something important. The TARDIS broke, and they were stuck.

Eventually, they were forced to talk to each other. They all learned lessons that day.

The Doctor learned not to interrupt sex or be cheap.

Amy learned to not let sex take over her life and to appreciate what friends do for you.

Rory learned not to argue with his wife.

And I learned that lessons make stories sound more meaningful than they actually are.


	2. Dream Lord Returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More hijinks and Rory dies again. Don't even complain about the spoiler; it's not like you actually cared that much.

One week later, the TARDIS crew realized that they would have to get out somehow, but the question of the somehow was which how do they use to do it? They were unsure, so they slept on it.

Unfortunately, they did not realize that the crystal things got back onto the TARDIS, so the Dream Lord asshole showed up and said, "Mwahahahaha! I have returned to your dreams! Now you don't know if you're dreaming again."

"Uh yeah, we do be because we just went to sleep from an irl problem where we're stuck on the TARDIS, but now we're not on the TARDIS," said Rory.

"You are getting turned into an ash pile again, Rory," said the Dream Lord.

"No, don't do that to my husband after we just made up about the ice cream incident!" cried Amy.

The Doctor reminded her that it was just a dream, so Amy calmed herself. Then the Doctor and Amy went about their own dream business while Rory wasn't able to go back to sleep because the dream him was dead. The TARDIS was becoming excessively boring to Rory because he had already visited the on board gentlemen's club too many times.

Rory tried to find the back exit, but the TARDIS has no back, so he got lost and found himself in the food court. _I wonder why the Doctor didn't tell us about this place when we were starving the other day,_ thought Rory, but he quickly discarded the thought in favor of the thought, _Oh boy, chicken samples! I was starving!_

So Rory splurged on fast food for the next few hours and got his stomach so full it exploded like that one girl on _1000 Ways To Die_. RIP Rory, you will be missed once again.


End file.
